I wrote a post last October called “Moms vs. Moms: Why can’t we just all play nicely together?!?!?” In it I discuss how women, especially moms are beyond mean to one another; how we take our own insecurities and put them onto another mother. I’m honestly tired of it!!!! I had an incident happen a while ago, where someone I knew totally blew a situation completely out of proportion. The reaction was not appropriate for what had happened. Another friend of mine pointed out that it has nothing to do with me, but all to do with that person. Well can I just say that I’m tired of that!!! We all have shit in our lives, all of us!!!!!! That doesn’t give anyone the right to treat the other person disrespectfully. As women, especially mothers, do we have to take our own insecurities and issues out on another person and treat them like garbage? It’s not the other person’s fault that you feel the way you do about your life. This is a great quote that I try and remember whenever someone is mean or hurtful:
Here’s the thing, the reason why I’m rehashing this topic is that I recently read a blog post: “10 Types of Moms That Suck“. I was enraged after reading this. The person, being a mother herself, should not be perpetuating this kind of childish, spiteful, hateful behaviour!!!!! What are we teaching our children?!?!?!??! That if someone is prettier than you, or smarter than you, or dresses better than you, or is more conscientious about what they feed their kid more than you, or is happier than you, that gives you the right to treat them like shit or write a post like this. THIS IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH WOMEN!!!!!!! Why must we always tear the other person down to make ourselves feel better??? Why??? I’m so sick and tired of it!!! Let’s get one thing straight, the grass is not always greener on the other side, that what you see on the outside may not be what’s going on in the inside and who cares if that person dresses better than you, or feeds their kids Kale, or chooses to use hand sanitizer? It’s none of your business or your concern!!!!
I recently read a funny saying/cartoon on Facebook that said “If women ran the world, there wouldn’t be wars, we just wouldn’t talk to one another!!” Isn’t that the truth!!!!! What really hurts me regarding this post was when the author wrote this: “The ‘Always Super Chipper and Well Dressed,” Mom. I hate you. No really, I just… hate you. I’m 100% sure you sold your soul to Satan, or maybe Martha Stewart. Nope, don’t even speak to me, I feel more disgusting and unworthy the closer you get. I’m not even sure these Yoga pants are clean, I may have worn them to the gym yesterday, who even knows anymore?” So how are you justified in writing this? How does a person who is well dressed affect you? They made the choice in the morning to get dressed in something other than yoga pants and you made the choice to dress in yoga pants. You both made a choice. They aren’t holding it against you that you chose to wear yoga pants, so please stop holding it against them.
Yes I’m pissed off because I’m sick and tired of women tearing each other down and not supporting one another. You should see the hateful speech I read on a mother’s forum last week regarding Vaccinations. It was awful. I mean down right hurtful and malicious. Honestly women, we need to start getting our heads of out of asses and start standing up for one another instead of tearing each other down.
I didn’t include the name of the author of that blog because I don’t want to out her or start something. The point of me writing this is so that we can stop this hateful speech against one another. What are we teaching our children? We need to be better role models than that!!! Shame on us!!! So let’s stop writing posts about why the other mom is making you feel insecure and let’s start writing posts about supporting one another, even if we don’t practice what the other person does. I have to admit that yes some of her points the other made were valid and funny, but I don’t like the tone in which this article was written.
At the end of the day we are all just trying to do our best. What my best is may not mesh with yours and vice versa. But who cares!!! If we stopped judging one another, we may even learn a thing or two from each other. Being a mother is the hardest job ever, so why are we making it harder?? Let’s band together and help one another. If we see another mom struggling we should support her, instead of standing there judging. None of us are perfect mothers and women, we all could do things a bit better.
May this blog help us to stop judging one another, to stop writing hateful and childish posts and to stop treating other women badly for our insecurities. Let’s start leading our children by example. Let’s teach them that it’s ok to be different and that we support other people and help them. Let’s teach them to perpetuate love, not hate.
What are your thoughts? I would love to hear them.
This song, originally from the Beatles, from the Love Actually soundtrack, is very apropos to this post:
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Happy Friday and Weekend Everyone!!!!!
Why is it women are so wicked mean to each other? I can never figure it out.
Very good question. It’s so sad and unnecessary!!!!
I started blogging because other moms were inspiring me to get dressed in something other than running pants. I loved the fact that moms could work, raise children, and look nice too! I am a nurse, so I have worn scrubs or sweats for years and was tired of looking frumpy. I love reading other women’s fashion blogs. If I dont like the content, I dont read. I never leave negative advice. A few people have left negative comments on my blog (like I am too old to wear leggings) and I try to listen to the advice, then move on. Blogs are not not the place for women to put each other down. We should be lifting each other up! I will never be as stylish or beautiful as most bloggers, but I am doing my best to inspire other women to be the best they can be(: Susan
I couldn’t agree more. It’s not just about blogging its about how women treat other women in real life. It’s awful.
I totally agree with this. I worked a nurse for awhile until I stayed home. I love fashion bloggers for the same reason.
Andrea
http://www.mommainflipflops.com
Thanks Andrea
I completely agree! You did an amazing job speaking your mind, and I can tell how frustrated you are. I think we all live with these types of women in our lives and it does suck! The best thing we can do is concentrate on the positivity of our own lives and keep a smile on our face. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
xo, Blaire
Peaches In A Pod
Thanks Blaire
Right on Sister!! I agree with you and just want to point out that it makes me feel awful when moms feel like that… that just because you took a little time for yourself makes you bad, or stuck up or… “sold yourself to Satan”… I wish people would realize that by not getting dressed I feel awful… lazy and am not a good mom. Ugh. I can’t stand this and find it horrible on FB…
Andrea
Hey too, I feel ya on that certain women. I had someone like this, still know them and try very hard to always be loving, but the things they said to me, other people that I know and on facebook still hurts deep. Sometimes I catch myself looking at myself believing the crap. Ugh!
andrea
We should never believe in that. But i know it’s hard. I struggle with it all the time.
Yup, those lines just caused me to blow my lid when I read that. It’s totally unnecessary.
Applause! This is a very well written post on this subject. I am a new mom and I find myself feeling that mom competition very strongly - especially because I am the last of my friends to have kids and sometimes my well meaning friends try dolling out advice but it comes off more preachy than anything else and sometimes makes me second guess what I’m doing. We definitely need to build each other up more, not tear each other down.
Thank you
Agnes, I love it when you get deep on us lol. Seriously though, I enjoy posts like these. You call it like you see it and I couldn’t agree more. I think women in general, not just moms, are hateful towards each-other. Instead of supporting one-another and acting like girlfriends, we find something to focus on that is negative, bad, malicious or unhealthy. It needs to stop one woman at a time.
Thanks for this reflection. You are a great mom as I have said many times before and your son is lucky to have you (your husband too).
Enjoy the weekend and stay positive. <3 Ada.
Thanks Ada, I appreciate it
I’ve read that post you are referring to and I took in tongue in cheek. I think it was more meant to be lighthearted and funny than an actual criticism , mind you, that’s how I decided to interpret it .. For all I know it may have been meant more serious which would be terrible. Maybe even joking about such things can still be hurtful.
I’m not sure how she mean’t it, but it really had such a negative tone to it. THere’s no need for it. Yes some of it was rather funny, but still we as women need to stop tearing each other down.
Hi Agi, I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s very unfortunate that women continue to put each other down even as mothers. Thanks for writing such an important post to remind us all to be kinder to each other. I agree with Ada about stopping it one woman at a time. That’s really it we can do and I think you are doing just that!! Great job & this is one of the reasons I love your blog. Hope you have a nice weekend:)
Marta xo
Sweaters, Stripes & Sweets
Thank you so much Marta
I hate the cattiness and spite, too. For the record, I want to say that it isn’t just women who tear others down to feel better. I personally know men who do it, too. It’s very hard to deal with anyone who behaves in this way. I think when you or anyone else sees a blog post such as this, we need to say something tactfully. Like for this post that you’re talking about (I don’t know, maybe you already did something like this), maybe someone could just write a comment such as, “I think moms are simply doing their best. I try to refrain from judging because I don’t know their situations.” I don’t think that would be a hurtful thing to write. It makes the point without being rude, and it’s not accusatory because it doesn’t say “You” it says, “I”. We don’t want to sink to the same level, but I do think it is appropriate to point it out tactfully and constructively.
Thanks, I totally agree
Amen! It is so true and when I read the title of that blog post you are talking about I just felt so sad. I know that I have been on both sides of this issue and being judged or judging. What I have learned is that you do what is best for you and your family and that is all. Leave everyone else alone. Why get bogged down in all that junk and worrying about others like that. It is unproductive and it eats away at us emotionally and mentally. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Have a great weekend!
L,
Vicky
themummychronicles.com
Exactly!!!!
I recently was told that I was making others feel bad about themselves because I was exercising regularly. This was being done in a group format and daily check-ins of support and motivation were acceptable and encouraged…until they weren’t.
Some individuals fell off the wagon, while others continued on strong. I was one who kept going. It was pointed out that my daily check-ins and motivational posts were making others upset, I was bragging about my efforts and that I should stop the frequency.
This hurt me. I never intended on making others feel bad, I thought I was being motivational towards others, to help them when they felt like giving up. This in turn caused a falling out with the individual who initially confronted me and we still haven’t sorted things out.
It saddens me that when someone is mad at themselves for their lack of commitment, they attack those who are committed.
That saddens me so much. I remember seeing you post your running and I loved it. It showed me how motivated you were and that’s great. I’m not a runner, although I’m hoping to get into a better routine once my back heals, but you motivated me and inspired me. I didn’t take it as showing off, I took is as you trying to motivate others. I just don’t women at all. Don’t they realize that it’s bullying!!!! It really is!!!! They’re mad at themselves for fallen off the wagon and instead of taking responsibility for that, they take out their frustrations on someone else. Shame on them. It’s like all the garbage in the past weeks on the Tri-Cities mom’s group. No one can ask any questions because the responses are malicious and heinous. Honestly why can’t we just support one another, why do we have to constantly tear each other down. It’s wrong and I’m so tired of it. It is extremely sad that those people who take the effort to do something to better themselves are always attacked but what about the people attacking them? How would they like it if we turned things around and attacked them and started calling them names. How would they like it? It’s disgusting!!!!! I’m really sorry you went through that. There is absolutely no need. Just because people are unhappy with themselves, it doesn’t give them the right to treat others like shit.
I’m so with you Agi & you know it! Life as a woman these days is hard enough without other women tearing you down! I truly believe we should all support one another & stand up as a universal sisterhood! You go girl! I love all your posts & these ones especially as you stand up for us all & give us a voice! You are an amazing Mum, wife & woman so stand proud! xx
Thank you