Tag Archives: parenting

Why Being An Only Child Is Ok!!

I recently read a blog “Why Your Only Child Is Going To Be Just Fine” and it was very refreshing. As someone who only has 1 child, I do feel guilty some days. This article made me cry, because sometimes I do feel like I am depriving my son of a playmate. But should I really have another child just to give my son someone to play with? Or should I have another child because I want to have one? Society makes it out that if you only have one child, your child will be anti-social, that they miss out on having a sibling, they are spoiled, they are lonely and they are used to getting their own way. And that’s not true. Sure my son has moments where he is lonely, but I know plenty of kids that come from a big family that are spoiled, lonely, anti-social and used to getting their own way. So what’s their excuse?

There was a Facebook thread going on about how another reader, who is an only child, said that it is unfair if parents only have one child. Having siblings isn’t always a fairy tale. I know plenty of siblings who don’t get along and aren’t close at all, me included, so please stop romanticizing the idea of having a sibling for your child. I think it’s up to the parents to socialize the child, to teach them that they can’t have everything they want and that it’s ok to learn to be independent and to play by themselves. The commenter was very bitter at the fact that she was an only child and that’s not fair. We don’t always know the circumstances in which kids end up being an only child.

I’m constantly bombarded with comments like “when am I going to have another child?” and “I must have another”. I actually don’t have to have another child. Is there a rule book that says that everyone must have exactly 2.0 children, one boy, one girl, no more, no less? Yes I’m annoyed because I get it asked all the time and I get told all the time that I have to have another child. So let’s flip the situation. How about I start saying to people that have more than one child that they must stop having children? How would they feel? I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate it. Remember you don’t know what goes on between a couple. Maybe they can’t have another child, that’s not the situation in our case, but what if it was? Do you think that those questions and comments make that person feel good? No they don’t.

So thank you Kelly Flannigan Bos, from Yummy Mummy Club for writing this article. Please take a read, it’s a quick, well written post.

What are your thoughts?

May this blog inspire you to stop asking people when they’re going to have another child. Let’s be happy with what we have. I know I am. I have a healthy, happy, intelligent son who is thriving. What more could I want?

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Happy Monday Everyone!!!!!

a new normal

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As Fall fast approaches, so does back to school and establishing a new routine. I am very much a Type A person and I like to be organized; hence why my calendar is colour coated with each activity highlighted in a different colour. It keeps me organized and my husband knows exactly what’s going on every day. Not sure what I’m going to do when we have another child. I might need to get 2 calendars. This is what our family calendar looks like:

Last month my husband and I made 2 very important decisions: he to work from home for himself and me going back to work part time. It made sense, we needed the benefits and the money. With me going back to work part time, we now get benefits, and I have a more regular schedule with regular paycheques coming in. Here is where the new normal comes in. We both had to get used to him working from home, my husband being around all day, while Aiden and I continued to do our normal routine. And we had to get used to me working part time, including nights. Thankfully Aiden has adjusted better than either of us expected and I’m adjusting slowly to working nights.

Life is constantly changing and I especially noticed that when we had my son. It took us a few months to get used to having a new baby and establishing a new routine. Then just when I got used to our routine, Aiden changed things up and has continued to do that ever since. Being Type A, I learned that I had to let go of certain things and to not be so anal about housekeeping, for instance. Now that he is 4, things have gotten a little easier, but I find that every Fall and Summer we need to find a new routine.

Structure is super important for both Aiden and me. Every parenting book states how important structure is and I couldn’t agree more. We both know what to expect and it makes things easier for both of us. Since Aiden was little I would explain to him what were about to do (even before he was verbal) but he understood and it helped prepare him for what we were about to do. With back to school in 2 weeks, I am looking forward to getting back to a good routine for both of our sack. I tried to develop somewhat of a routine this Summer and it was working well until we went away on our roadtrip and then camping. With the last 2 weeks of vacation we are back to swimming lessons giving us some routine and much needed structure.

The most important thing I’ve learned about being a parent is that you are constantly establishing a new normal. You have to be patient with adjusting to change, which I am slowly learning to do. Even if you’re not a parent, life is constantly changing and evolving and it really is about establishing a new normal.

What do you guys think? Is structure and routine important to you? Did you find that being a parent involved constantly changing and establishing a new routine? Love to hear your thoughts.

May this blog inspire you to realize that we are constantly trying to establish a new normal.

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Happy Friday Everyone!!!!!! Hope you all enjoy one of the last few weekends before school starts.

Six Words Every Child Should Hear

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I recently read a blog about six beautiful, empowering words that every child should hear. They are: I LOVE TO WATCH YOU PLAY!!!! At first I thought it odd that you would have to say that to your child, but then reading further into the blog, I realized how many times we interfere when our kids are playing. How we give them little pointers and hints, instead of just being absorbed in them playing.

I’ve tried to not criticize my son too much when he is trying out something new, instead letting him learn for himself. I do catch myself sometimes at soccer practice or at swimming lessons encouraging him to jump in or use his feet some more, so I’m just as guilty as every one else. My husband and I try to encourage him when he is playing rather then constantly comment on what he is doing. We try to complement him and give him the encouragement he needs.

I see way too may times at different sporting games, parents yelling at their kids. Instead of watching them play and enjoying those moments, they are caught up in what the kid is doing wrong, instead of enjoying watching them play.

I love just sitting back and watching my son play. The first day of swimming lessons, when they all lined up and off he went, I had tears in my eyes. I realized just how quickly he is growing up. I love watching him learn new skills and overcome obstacles. We teach him to always try his best and if he does that, then that’s all that matters.

We’ve taken the focus off of playing and put it too much into perfecting everything. With kids it should always be about playing and they should know how proud of them we are. They should know that. They should be told that.

The next time you’re at your child’s soccer game or dance practice, instead of criticizing them, take a step back and watch them play, watch them enjoy themselves and then tell them how much you love to watch them play.

Happy Hump Day Everyone!!! Don’t forget to link up tomorrow for my weekly Tres-Chic Fashion Thursday Link Up.

Tweed, Cobalt & How To Have The Best Relationship With Your Kids

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I spent all day yesterday at a blogger conference. I’ll post about how it went tomorrow. This is what I am wearing today: a pink long sleeved shirt, cobalt crop pants, tweed jacket and my bow ballet flats. I’m loving this tweed jacket. I think it will be making many appearances on my blog!!! If you don’t already own one, you should definitely get one. They are versatile and dress up a simple outfit.

Jacket (H & M). Pants (J Crew). T-Shirt (Gap). Shoes (Aldo). Purse (Banana Republic). Necklace & Bracelet (Ily Couture).

How to have the best relationship with your kids

Recently I received a newsletter from Lisa Bunnage (Brat Busters) titled: Parents: 7 Steps to Best Possible Relationship with your Children. I read through it quickly and found the 7 steps to be quite useful.

Parents: 7 Steps to Best Possible Relationship with your Children

Listen. Listen to understand, not just gather information to lecture with. Lecturing is a guaranteed way to get them to stop talking to you. Listen to all their nattering on about every little detail in their lives, their problems, their fun times … everything.
Validate all their Feelings. This isn’t the same as validating behaviour. But remember that feelings are what drive behaviour. If you can get their feelings all sorted out by listening and validating, then their behaviour is going to be affected in a positive way.
Set a good example. Don’t swear, lose your temper or be moody and inconsistent … unless you want the same behaviour from them. Kids learn by watching, not listening. Monkey see, monkey do.
Discipline. Discipline is RULES, MANNERS and CHORES. If you don’t discipline them growing up, then how are they going to discipline themselves when they are teens and young adults? As they get older make sure they have more and more say in how their lives go. Have discipline charts and agreements and contracts if that helps and make sure you have rules to follow also, and consequences when you break rules. That’s a reflection of the #3 step. Discipline works best when mixed with fun (step #7).
Teach them about Accountability. Teach them that everything they say, do and how they act has a consequence, good, bad and even ugly. My kids used to apologize to me if I had to punish them as they understood that it was their fault, not mine. Accountability is magic.
Make the Punishment Fit the Crime. This increases the effectiveness of the whole idea of consequences. E.g., if 5 year old Johnny hits his sister, he has to make her bed for a week. BUT, if sister teases Johnny about making her bed, she has to make his bed for a week instead. Kids are all about actions, this stuff sinks in with them. Teasing is punishable as it’s another form of bullying.
Be Fun. Have fun with your children on their terms, in their world. Don’t just take them to the park and watch them swing, get on the swing next to them and have a swinging race. Be interactive with them, not observant. Be in their world. You invest in this when they’re little and they are much more likely to let you into their teenage world down the road.

Lisa Bunnage (lisa@bratbusters.com)(604-944-7479)

I work very hard every day to try and foster the best relationship I can with my son. I am by no means perfect, continually making mistakes and will continue to do so. Some of these steps are easier than others to apply. For instance step #3 is hard: Set a good example. I try my best not to lose my patience and/or temper but I’m not perfect. I know “monkey see, monkey do”, but after I do get upset, I sit down with my son and explain to him why I lost my temper and that this is not something that he should emulate. I’m not perfect but at least I acknowledge it and work on it.

My favorite one is step #5: teaching them accountability. I feel like there is a void with children and people today regarding being accountable. I feel like no one wants to be accountable for their actions. They keep passing the buck on, instead of owing what they did. My husband and I are constantly teaching our son that he needs to be accountable for his actions and that he needs to take responsibility for it. We try and set a good example by being accountable for our actions. If we don’t teach and hold our children accountable for their actions, how can we expect them to own their behaviour later on.

I think too many people focus on trying to be their kid’s friend, instead of being their parent!!!! Kids need structure, guidance and boundaries. My son has boundaries (although he does try and cross them and test them every once in a while) and he knows what is expected of him and he knows the consequences if he crosses those boundaries. Our focus as parents should be to guide them and teach them how to be the best person they can be, instead of trying to be their friend. Some famous celebrity said that parent first and friendship comes later. I truly believe that.

What are your thoughts on Lisa’s steps? Do you teach your kids to be accountable? Do you practice these steps and if so is it working for you?

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May this blog inspire you to try and form the best relationship you can with your kids and help them to become the best people they can be.

Happy Hump Day Everyone!!!!

Teaching Our Kids Consequences

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I recently read a great article from Lisa Bunnage, a Parenting Coach, and author of the blog Bratbusters about bullying. Lisa explains that teenagers need to realize two things:

1. There are consequences to their actions. We as parents need to start teaching our kids at an early age that there are consequences to bad behavior; to give them the tools they need to think before they act.

2. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. That no matter what you’ve done, there is no reason you can’t recover from it.

I completely and totally agree with Lisa. I feel like in today’s society, kids don’t have consequences. They can to whatever they want with no repercussions. They need to learn that their actions have consequences. It’s up to us parents to teach our kids that. I know with my son, he tests us on a daily basis. We are trying to instill in him the idea of consequences. It’s not always easy, but if we keep at it, he will learn. It’s like with anything we have been teaching him, keep drilling into his head and one day he will make the connection. We as parents need to start parenting again. We need to lead by example. We aren’t doing our kids any favors by not disciplining them and not teaching them that their actions have consequences.

I also agree with Lisa’s second point, that there is nothing you can’t overcome. I think back to being in Junior High and being bullied, and how I felt like that was the “be all and end all” of life. 15-20 yrs later I know differently. I am not the same person that was bullied 15 yrs ago. I have a wonderful life, amazing husband, beautiful son, supportive and caring friends. It’s so hard to see the future when all you see is pain and suffering. How do we teach our kids to see past that? I’m not sure but some ways may be:

To be honest with our kids and let them know that it will feel like it will never end, but everything always does end. The hurt, pain and bullying will go away.
Give them support and help.
Allow them to express how they feel.
Give them outlets to help them vent.
Put them into activities that raise their self-confidence.
Tell them they are loved and worth it.
Listen to them.

I am by no means a psychologist, this is just me thinking aloud. Amanda’s suicide hit me quite hard, because it reminded me of when I was bullied and how fearful I am that my son will be bullied. I never want my son to feel the way I did. I want to be proactive and prevent it, not only for my son but for all the kids out there.

My bottom line is that we as parents need to start parenting our kids again. We need to be our kids mentors, and give them the guidance they need in order to grow up to be the best adults they can be. Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done and I have stumbled many times since my son has been born, but I am trying to be the best parent I can be. We should all try the same and our kids will thank us for it.

I hope that all these blogs, posts, Facebook messages, tweets, media attention will not be in vain; that we as a society and parents will put an end to bullying.