Last week I posted this picture on Facebook of my son, my husband and myself celebrating New Years. I received a comment, not saying how happy my son looks or how much fun we are having, instead asking why my son is wearing nail polish? That sent me into defensive mama bear mode!!!!! WTF!!!! Why is it such a problem that my son is wearing nail polish??? Are we still living in the 1900′s?? No we are not!!! Why do we have to raise our children to only play with cars if they’re boys or to play with dolls if they’re girls??? Why should we associate blue with boys and pink with girls??? Why not teach our children to develop both sides of their brain equally and let them explore playing with dolls if they want to, or to play with cars if they choose to.
A good friend of mine left me this comment after I posted that my son had asked for 3 Princesses for Christmas: “I love how you are raising your son without the usual gender barriers put up in this world! Who doesn’t love a princess?!”
Exactly, who doesn’t love a Princess??? I think the appeal to my son is that they are pretty and that they are different from whatever he has. Their dresses are sparkly and colourful. The DVD’s are fun and musical. Why not like Princesses???
Children go through various phases where they play with one item for a few months and then move on. This may or may not be a phase and even if it isn’t, I don’t care. Yes I’m upset by that comment because it’s ignorant!!!!!!
On Facebook about 6 months ago, a mom had posted a comment about painting her son’s nails and asked other moms what their experiences were. It was so nice to see other moms having positive reactions and responses. I know that at first when my son asked me to paint his nails, I was worried that he would be teased. If you know my son, if there is any little boy that can pull off nail polish it’s him!!!!!!!! So far, except for this one ignorant comment, we have been fortunate. Most kids and parents think it’s cool, and honestly no one really cares.
This bares the question why do we raise our children with gender barriers???
I’ll be perfectly honest, when we had our son, I never thought in a million years that he would be registered in dance class or wanted his nails painted and to play with princesses!!!!! What my husband and I have tried to foster in him is his interests, not our own. We’ve tried to support whatever he is interested in. Take dancing for example, he fell in love with the PBS show Angelina Ballerina. This didn’t come from me, it came from him. He would dance around the house and then one day I asked him “Would you like to take dance classes?” He answered with an enthusiastic “YES!!! “. This is his second year in dance and he absolutely loves it. He is thriving in this environment and again it had nothing to do with my husband or I. We just went with what my son wanted.
The person who I’m proud of the most is my husband. He absolutely doesn’t care one way or the other about my son’s fascination with princesses. He applauds it and has said many times “well, they are pretty :)!”. Too many men let their own fears and insecurities prevent them for seeing their child for who they are, which is just that, a child. It’s their job to explore different themes and toys. My son sees me paint my nails and wants his painted as well, monkey see, monkey do.
So the next time you see a little boy with his nails painted, or playing with dolls, or wearing pink shoes, smile and give the mom a wink. Congratulate her for being brave enough not to care about society norms and pressures. Our jobs as parents is to foster our children’s interests and love them for who they are, not to set our preconceived notions about what type of toys boys and girls should play with. So let’s do away with gender barriers and just let kids be kids!!!!!!
May this blog inspire you to evaluate your own gender barriers. Do you have any? Do you care?
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Happy Friday and Weekend Everyone!!!!!!
Yay! Very refreshing and completely right. This is very empowering for your son. He can become the person he wants to be. I’m stopping there otherwise I will be here all night talking about the arbitrariness of gender.
Thank you
First of all, you and your husband are wonderful people. Unfortunately, there are so many others in the world who would not have responded like the two of you did to your son’s varied interests. And what a cool little guy…I would love to know him! And like you said, if it’s not a phase, who cares? He is the same amazing human being either way. For my son, it wasn’t a phase. I knew from the time he was very young that he was gay, or at least I strongly suspected it. It did not matter one bit to my husband and I that he preferred playing with dolls, hated getting dirty, and had a huge group of girlfriends that he enjoyed playing with. I loved him more than the world, no matter what. And now he’s grown, with a great life and a fiance whom we absolutely love.
When you come across close minded people, don’t feel even remotely bad about defending him. Over the years I’ve had to do that many times and the cool thing is some of the people have actually learned to be if not a bit more open minded, at least more thoughtful before they open their mouths. So, you, your husband, and your super cool son rock on with your bad selves and continue to enjoy him for who he is! It’s people like you who help change the world a little bit at a time.
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.blogspot.com
Thank you so much Debbie for sharing with me. My younger brother in law is gay and I can only imagine the ignorance he’s had to encounter. Yes it’s totally about loving your child for who they are.
I’ve painted my son’s nails before (It was “Shrek Green” and he was dying for it! lol) AND his 2 favorites movies right now are Real Steel (boxing robots) & Frozen (princess movie about sisters)… Kids can be whoever they want to be and I think it is so important to do away with gender barriers… it will make for kinder, more accepting adults later on!
Thank you Lena
Dance classes are wonderful for development & coordination so no wonder he loves them! My little girl is obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine & Fireman Sam. She doesn’t have or play with dolls but it never really registered until her two year check when they asked if she mothers her dolls… I was all “erm she likes trains, cars, reading, building stuff”
It’s not unusual for kids to gravitate towards that which we associate with the other gender but I care not a not as she is happy & thriving.
Good for you I say
Thank you. A good friend’s daughter loves cars and trains and doesn’t really play with dolls.
My son when he was about 3 or 4 would play dress up in his sisters dance costumes and cinderella costume. One of my favorite pictures of him is in that costume. I used to paint his nails for him all the time too. He unfortunately was teased for it and he stopped wanting it done. He is now 10 and very much in to just boy things now. I do miss the days when he would dress like a princess.
Thanks Jen. Yes i’m not looking forward to the teasing. I just wish other kids would allow other kids to just be themselves. Unfortunately this all stems from the parent’s ignorance!!!!!
GREAT post, Agi! My son asked to have his nails painted when he was little and I did it too. Our youngest daughter is a total “tom boy” and hates all things girly. I can’t imagine not allowing her to be who she is. I think it’s harder with boys. Society has so many rules for what’s manly and acceptable. Good for you for celebrating his interests!
Thanks Alison
Bravo for letting your son follow his interest!! Dance is a great thing for boys & girls to take to develop motor skills. My son is in gymnastics and he loves it. Don’t let these negative comments sway you - you and your hubby are doing a wonderful job raising a great young boy!
Alice
http://www.happinessatmidlife.com
Thanks Alice. I’ve received nothing but positive comments and I so appreciate them.
Agi you are amazing! I hadn’t even noticed his nails in the picture only how happy you all looked! My Dad has often made comments if my son plays with one of his sisters dolls & I always say to just leave it be! Why should it be a problem?! Keep on keeping on & you will have one happy little boy grow into a confident comfortable man! Ax
Exactly, that was my point. Why focus on the nails???
I think it’s great that you are letting your son be who he wants to be! I babysit for a family whose oldest son loves “girl” toys and participates in a local kids music theatre! He still enjoys trucks and playing with his brother, but they have allowed him to develop on his own and given him the chance to explore his own desires! Way to go! I can only hope to be this kind of parent someday! I am sure your son will thank you someday for nurturing his exploration of the world around him and never placing barriers on who he is! Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much
I love this and I love you! I am a firm believer that everyone deserves to be the best version of themselves no matter what that means to them, and I love that you are fostering that attitude in your children as well!
Thanks Sarah
I loved the way you wrote this post - sincere & true. Your son is lucky to have you as his mother.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Angele
Thank you Angele
I think you are an amazing mom for letting your son be interested in all the things he is interested in. My daughter loves Cars and Planes and princesses and ponies…but it was Cars she first fell in love with. Do I care? No. Of course not. They make her happy, just like princesses make your son happy. Who cares who they’re marketed for? Our children will grow up confident and happy, knowing that their parents are proud of them and honor their interests, regardless of societies ‘norms’.
Thank you Danny. It’s nice to see that more and more parents are just letting their kids be kids
Good for you!! Let your son be himself! It’s great that you are supportive, gender stereotypes are so unnecessary!
http://www.amemoryofus.blogspot.com
Thank you Darcy. I totally agree
My son, who is now 16, asked to take dance classes when he was about 3. We let him and it didn’t last long because his attention span was so short! Then at 4 he asked for a tea set and of course we were happy to oblige. We had several tea parties and included my younger son too. I got a lot of flack from some friends but I didn’t care, I totally agree with you, we need to let our kids try different things. So at 16, my son is just fine. I am happy to report that there was no serious psychological damage done to him! He is happy, well adjusted and brilliant! And I found in all of this how proud I was of my husband. We have 2 boys and I know not every man is so open minded which is a shame. Both my sons know how much we love them and we have raised them to be open minded and non-judgemental. You, go girl!
I love it Kelly Ann. Thank you for sharing your story
Bravo! I think this blog is so inspiring and from the comments so far you have amazing followers! I have a not so typical 6 year old girl who loves science and Star Wars but plays ponies and Barbies with her sister. I have always encouraged her interests (yes we went through the Thomas phase too) and have told her to be herself. I think that the confidence we are encouraging will be priceless as our kids navigate through this crazy world! She knows she is not a “typical” (but what is typical nowadays) girl and is proud of it! There have been times she has told me other girls think she is weird and it breaks my heart! But she keeps being herself. She dressed up in her Luke Skywalker costume for daycare last week and no issues! I think as more people like you encourage their kids to be who they are, we are going to have a more accepting and happier world. Imagine if everyone could just be themselves and not worry about what others thought! Idealistic but it would be awesome.
Keep up the good work Mama Bear!
Thanks Cara. Yes it so breaks my heart when I read how other kids tease each other. It’s so sad, but it comes from the parents. We as parents set the examples for our kids. We need to show them that it is ok to be themselves and for other kids to do the same. Thanks Cara
It’s funny, but my sister has always balked at putting her girls in pink as she herself has always been a real tomboy, and it’s created tension between the children when they see my daughter’s fairy outfits. Personally, I tried to not go down the pink, princessy, fairy route, but my daughter absolutely loves it all, and so we do - because it’s her life, not mine, they are HER interests, not mine. Why shouldn’t your son explore and enjoy whatever he wants to right now? He’s not hurting anyone, and his painted nails certainly aren’t. My nanny occasionally says that something is a “girl’s” toy or “boy’s” toy, and I always quickly jump in if I am in earshot to let my kids know that anyone can play with whatever they like if they ask nicely! You are not only allowing your son to enjoy the things he likes, but you’re also showing him that you respect him and his choices, and this in turn will mean that he will respect others’ choices too. Good job mama!!
Exactly. Thanks for sending the link up. I linked up twice
Love it! Although gender barriers I think are sometimes tougher on boys than girls, I have noticed that one of my Bean’s favorite TV shows is marketed towards boys but she absolutely loves it. She’s constantly trying to bring Thomas the Tank Engine to bed with her
Hi Agi. I read this carefully and I know you wrote from the heart so it opened my heart as well. I also read every single comment. I am glad you got so much support as you should.
I cannot relate because my baby girl is only turning 1 on Sunday and so far she is too young to know who she is and what she likes. But I have thought about this even before becoming a Mom. I thought about having a Gay Child, will I love them the same? The answer is an astounding YES. Whether I will have one child or ten, I would love them unconditionally. They will be my world and I will treasure them as they are and accept them for who they are. Even now I try not to dress my girl only in Pinks & Lavenders. She doesn’t shy away from Yellows, Blues, Navy, Browns, Greens, Teal, etc. We have even shopped at little baby boys department for some things. I won’t encourage her not to like dresses, dolls and other girly things if that’s what she will like. But if she likes other toys, movies, clothes, etc. I will let her be. I think this way I will have a Happy Child. God bless you & your little guy. He looks adorable in his outfits above too, by the way.
Thank you so much Ada for your sweet words. Yes I am so happy to read that I have so much support. It’s so important for us to empower our children and let them explore.
My 6 year old daughter wanted a Spiderman birthday party and a Disney Princess cake….and that’s what she got! When we brought the cake to the party venue they asked me if I wanted them to change the decorations from Spiderman to princesses and I told them “No, she only turns 6 once and this is what she wants.” She loves make up and Spiderman, dancing and cowboy boots. Heck, I can’t say anything…I grew up doing pageants on the weekends and hunting and four-wheeler riding with my dad when I didn’t have a pageant to compete or entertain at. Who cares!!! The only thing that matters is if the child is loved, taken care of, and above all….happy!
Thank you Susan
I’m not sure how I missed this post but I’m glad I finally found it. Your son is lucky to have such amazing parents! I wish all parents and people in general were this open minded and supportive as you and your hubby. Accept people for who they are and don’t judge people for what they do or what they wear. I know this post is aimed at kids and parents but it’s true for anyone. For me personally when I stepped across the gender lines it wasn’t easy but I knew it had to be done. There will likely always be some shallow minded or ignorant people to judge me but perhaps they should look in the mirror. I’m a happier and kinder person now that I’ve accepted who I am and stepped across the gender barrier. I even bought myself the pink shoes.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/39715038@N00/8164498633/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/39715038@N00/8180133741/
Thanks for sharing this post
Thank you for sharing your story. Yes it’s sad that we still live in a world filled with ignorance, but we all need to stand up to the ignorance and bullying.